Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
