Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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