hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
