you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
