i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
