I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is Oprah even human
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
