I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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