but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
