I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
