i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
