Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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