I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
