She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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