I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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