He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize