She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This can only be settled by a dance off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
