I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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