U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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