My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
