Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Randomize
