you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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