You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
