Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
