So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
