If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
