My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
