i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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