She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
