Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
