I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
