also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
