you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
