I smell stomach acid.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
