tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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