I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
