It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
