This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
