the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
foreskin is a definite game changer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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