you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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