My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
