Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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