I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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