please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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