I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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