I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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