Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
