I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
