In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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