I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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