y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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