I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
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You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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