Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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