Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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