apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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