In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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