Umm I'm too high to move.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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