Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
