The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Randomize
