So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
