My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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