Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
