im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
