hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
