Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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