mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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