"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
