Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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